jUsT mE. aNd my RaNDom rAmbLiNgS.

It's late, my daughters is wide awake. What's on my mind.

Did you know I have 2 unfinished posts that I've never published? I've started them and never finished. Most of my blogs are about my kids and what we've done lately and I just wanted to do something different. Don't get me wrong I love my girls more than anything. They are my world that I revolve around, but I never write about me. I'm just another mom that's posting pictures of her kids. You really don't know me. I'm sure most people, for those that actually check, just look at pictures and move on to the next blog, or facebook game. And that's ok, but just for today I want to try something new. Tomorrow I'll go back to pictures of my kids. ;)

Blogs. I've been terrible the last few months keeping mine up to date, but honestly I haven't wanted to post anything. sad but true. I try to keep up with many blogs, but only a few have kept my attention. I'm amazed at the variety of blogs that exist just with my friends and family. For example, their are those that read like a daily journal (aka TMI) that I may skim through, but I don't need to know what you ate for breakfast. Then the ones that keep us updated on current events, funny stories, or anything that catches their fancy. Many who just add pics of family, kids, recent activities, trip to the park, whatever to keep friends and family updated on the family (guilty of this one!). A few that I love to read are just about whatever is on their mind, something that caught their attention, anything. I always get a smile on my face when these three blogs are updated (blog1, blog 2, blog3). Blog1 is someone I've never met (hope to someday), but respect. Blog2 is my adorable cousin. Blog3 is a friend that lives out of state. I would go into more detail why I love these women, but that's another post for another day.

Reminisce. This one is more personal that always hits me hard in October and November. Looking back to high school and the first couple years in collage, these months I was an emotional roller coaster. At least that's what it felt like. If something sad or very emotional was going to happen, it usually happened in October and November. I lost 3 of my grandparents within 4 years ('96, '98, '99) in October and November. My parents separated Oct '01. Relationships dissolved, or broke (probably cause I was an emotional mess). ;-) Holidays get stressful dividing time with all the families. Many other small thing that I won't bore you with. If you know me, I'm one that keeps feelings and emotions locked away. They build up until one day the smallest thing sets me off and I may yell, cry, or both. These outburst 90% happen during these months.

I know I'm not alone with these emotional roller coasters, but even now after so many years I still feel at my lowest during those months. Luckily I haven't had too many outbursts the last few years, but it really does help once those feelings are out. :) I just feel sorry for whoever is around when it happens. lol. Anyway, I love December, it's a new month and it's the start of a few weeks with my mind occupied on the Christmas holiday and getting ready for a new year.

December. I love to bake. Cooking....not so much, but I try. December is one of my favorite months. I get to try new recipes for cookies/cakes that I can share with the neighbors, or make my favorite gingerbread cookies. I admit, I love being crafty when I have the time and patience. My sister Amy has recently introduced me to graham cracker houses that you decorate like a gingerbread house. That's my focus this month, and I'm having a lot of fun. This weekend we decorate the houses I've made (pictures may be posted later). My shopping is all done, and all wrapped. For me that's one less thing I have to worry about this month and time focused elsewhere. ah! must mention I tried something new, a eggnog rice pudding. :)

Poem in your heart. Have you ever felt that way? Lately that's how I've felt. I've never really been this way. I do believe that one of the best ways to express yourself is on paper and I've felt the need to express myself in poetry. I am in no way a poet or ever really put much effort into it other than silly poems I write with my sister. But I grew up with a dad that loves poetry and would recite countless poems from memory. I used to know a few from memory, but only one has stuck with me even to today--Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, by Robert Frost.

Music. Music, whether from the radio or from playing my piano, has always been an escape for me. I love the piano. I've never been very good at playing in front of others--working on overcoming that fear, still a steep hill to climb. But when I play alone, I feel like I'm in my own space away from everything else. I could play for hours and I love new music to play. After the girls go to bed and I'm ready to wind down from the day I'm on the computer with music playing in my headphones. Sound is one of the strongest memory tabs for me. I'll hear a song and it'll take me back. This may be silly, but this is just an example. Some of the musician Seals songs remind me of reading Lois Duncan suspense books on road trips with my family when I was younger. Or you hear a song and remember a certain event, person, dance...you get the idea. Some songs remind you of how you're feeling now and you listen to the song over and over. I love music, all kinds.

Facebook. I know I'm not the only one getting bored with facebook. I love it for the social aspect and being able to know what's going on in all kinds of friends lives. I'm even addicted to some of those silly games, like farmville, pet society, and mafia wars. Just time wasters, and that's what facebook has felt like lately. I try to stay away, but it keeps pulling me back. sigh..

Probably more than you wanted to know, but for those that made it to the end. thanks :) Sometimes you just need to write it out.